how could i ever get my fill of speaking to You

You know me better than anyone else

You understand every tear i have ever shed

You are the only refuge from my greatest fears

You are You

Merciful You

Majestic You

i feel You in my fingertips

delicate and gentle decrees

manifest in this world of form

but i know that i will answer for the words i type

i

am

the

one

who

types

but i could have erased that

but i didn’t

still, i could erase it

but i won’t

the liminal space between You and me

but the truth is

i want whatever is me that keeps me from You

to wither away

to fade

to dissolve

until You are the fingertip with which i type

الله

i feel so helpless

i feel so weak

i am swimming in Your good grace

indebted recipient

of the eyes that allow me to see these words on the screen

and the hands that do what my brain tells them to do

flurblat!!!

my brain just told my hands to type that

schmikameroo!!!

there it goes again

a brain that You built

in a momentless moment with You

that to us seems like 14 billion years

الله

with You

i am already in paradise

or hell

only You know

ya Rahman ya Raheem ya Salam ya Rafi’ ya Mu’izz ya Kareem ya Wahhab ya Samad ya Ahad ya Ra’uf ya Ghafur ya Ghaffar

make it paradise

that is the only option

and You are the only Chooser

and so choose me for paradise

so that i can unfold in time that which is already in your pre-eternal decree

ya Qahhar ya Jabbar ya fa’al li ma yureed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i

robert david coolidge

the composite of chemicals

neurons firing

am utterly Your slave

what basis is there for self-centered pride

in a form that was fashioned purely by You

let my words be glorification of You

praise of You

for it is all about You

the One who brings the cold down upon New York City

the One who puts the flavor in my crunchy cereal

the One who i believe will resurrect Deah, Yusor, and Razan

the One who put the light yellows and oranges into the twilight clouds

the One who has already created Hell

and warned us of its existence

in the book revealed

on the tongue of Your messenger

may Your peace and blessings be upon him and his family

and preserved it for 1400 years

in the hearts of millions of women and men

so that it could reach these ears that You created

to hear Your speech breathed into history

and terrify me

for oblivion is sweet

when compared with the tree of Zaqqum