dear son

peace be upon you

first off

i want you to know with certainty

that you were an answer to a prayer

made before you were ever conceived

secondly

i want you to know that i am not always being truthful

because in ways that i act

and will continue to act

in your presence

i am making the claim that i am good and that i know

but the real truth is that

whatever good you may perceive

is because God has veiled from you my faults

and whatever i know

is because God granted me a tiny drop

from the shoreless ocean of Knowledge

there is nothing i can actually offer you

if i protect you from harm

it is because God is the Protector

if i give you something that benefits you

it is because God is the Benefactor

for when i face God

the invocation attributed to Imam ‘Ali

expresses everything i have ever learned

إِلٰهِي إِنْ كَانَ صَغُرَ فِي جَنْبِ طَاعَتِكَ عَمَلِي

فَقَدْ كَبُرَ فِي جَنْبِ رَجَائِكَ امَلِي

“My God, if my deeds appear small in respect to obedience to You

then my hope is great in respect to pure hopefulness in You”

for this blog is entitled “A Mercy Case” for a reason

and that is because at the end of the day

i am hoping in Mercy

have hoped in Mercy

and God willing

will continue to hope in Mercy

for as that prayer continues

“If my time of death is approaching while my deeds are still too short to approach me to You

I am then considering my confession of being guilty to be my means towards You”

But I need to be explicit that my hope is not unconnected to my love for you

for as Imam Ja’far al-Sadiq has reported to have said

as translated in the book of Ayatollah Modarresi

“Verily Allah Almighty will have mercy upon a man by the strength of his love for his son”

 

sometimes

when i close my eyes

i can see us hand in hand

in a place more beautiful than i have the words to express

where no fear nor grief exists

and we can discover forever

what it means that God made me your father

and you my son

 

i love you

 

dear angels,

pray for us

رَبَّنَا وَأَدْخِلْهُمْ جَنَّاتِ عَدْنٍ الَّتِي وَعَدتَّهُمْ وَمَن صَلَحَ مِنْ آبَائِهِمْ وَأَزْوَاجِهِمْ وَذُرِّيَّاتِهِمْ إِنَّكَ أَنتَ الْعَزِيزُ الْحَكِيمُ

“Our Lord! Admit them into the Gardens of Eden, which You have promised them, along with whoever is righteous among their forebears, their spouses and their descendants. Indeed You are the All-mighty, the All-wise.”