A Mercy Case

i am still waiting at the shore of Your sea

and You have always been

and always will be

my source of hope

The Most Merciful of those who show mercy

how many sins i have done!

i know You forgive all sins except one

but have You forgiven my sins

that i do not know

they swirl around me like frightful demons

biting and gnashing and screaming

but You are Light

and can drive them all away

evaporated instantly with Your Love

i need that

i need that more than anything

i need that more than the air i breath

and the water i drink

which are also Your Mercy!

how can i ever love and fear You as You deserve to be loved and feared?!

i am utterly incapable of reaching the rank of being anything other than Your slave, with whom You will do what You will

i have no rights except the right you grant to me out of Your Justice and Your Mercy

i am simply a beggar and a pleader, clothed in the signs of Your Grace, fed by the manifestations of Your Kindness

You are sovereign over every human breath, of which mine are only a drop in the ocean

one day soon, i long to meet You, al-Raḥmān bi’l-ghayb

and i only ask that until that time, You bless me to sell myself – my body and everything i have – for You alone

stained by sin

all I have is a drink of water to give a thirsty dog

but most importantly

hope