I converted to Islam in 1998, full of zeal.
I could have gone to Chechnya and fought, but I didn’t.
I could have gone to Afghanistan and fought, but I didn’t.
I could have gone to Iraq and fought, but I didn’t.
I could have gone to Somalia and fought, but I didn’t.
I could have gone to Yemen, or Pakistan, or Syria, but I didn’t.
I came into this religion because I heard God speak to me in the words of the Qur’an and the life example of the Prophet Muhammad, may blessings and peace be upon him and his family. I didn’t know there would be so many wars in which I had to choose a side. I have watched Aukai Collins, John Walker Lindh, Adam Gadahn, and others make different choices along the way. At the end of the day, we will all stand before God and answer for our choices, for better or for worse.
My parents forbade me from going to Syria to study after I graduated from Brown in 2001. If it hadn’t been so instilled in me that obedience to parents, even those who are not Muslim, is a central teaching of Islam, perhaps I just would have gone anyways. But it is Islam that made me stay, and that decision changed my life. It is Islam that leads me to Florida every December to hang out with my parents during the holidays – it is their sacred right over me. It is Islam that makes me refrain from killing other human souls out of an awareness of the immense sanctity of all life. It is Allah that has brought me to Manhattan, both through His decree and also through my choice – a choice made after study, prayer, and spiritual consultation – to start raising my family here.
I may not be newsworthy, in either the secular Western media or in the various counterpublics of the global Muslim community. I spend the day with my son. I read books. I pray. I try to refine my soul in various ways. I try to respond to requests over email or Facebook or Twitter in a timely fashion. I look for noble organizations that are helping people so that I can make donations to them as zakat or sadaqa. It is all so mundane.
The mundaneness of my existence sometimes makes me think that my choices are not truly authentic. “If I were a real Muslim,” I think to myself, “I would be off galavanting around the world as a holy warrior like the days of yore.” “If I were a real Muslim,” I ponder, “I would be living the alternative to Western modernity in a remote region of the Muslim world as a hidden saint.” “If I were a real Muslim,” my mind suggests, “I would be immersed in the worldview of a religious seminary, unlearning the myriad heretical ideas and spiritual poisons of the West that have infected my mind and heart.” Because isn’t that what we are being told, day in and day out? Doesn’t the Muslim counterpublic and the mainstream media conspire to tell us that the real Muslim is the erudite scholar, the charismatic mystic, the fierce warrior, the tireless leader, the courageous reformer – all the men and women engaged in the drama of the great struggle of our time?! Isn’t the message clear – everyday people need not apply?
So I guess I am not a real Muslim. Next week, God willing, I am going to Florida. To play golf with my Dad. To take my son to the beach for the first time. To sit next to my Mom at a restaurant some night. To fall asleep to the sound of the ocean like I did when I was 12 years old on Christmas Eve. Nothing newsworthy about that.
But my hope is that maybe, just maybe, the greatest idol I have yet to smash is the image of the real Muslim that keeps me from embracing what God and His Messenger actually want from me, Robert David Coolidge, no matter how mundane it may seem.
A man said to the Prophet, “Shall I participate in jihad?” The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Are your parents living?” The man said, “Yes.” the Prophet (ﷺ) said, “They are your jihad.” (Bukhari)
Dawn at my parents’ house in Florida
A Mercy Case 
You are a model Muslim my dear friend David
Have a wonderfully pleasant holiday season, enjoy the company of your loved ones and give our warmest greetings to them
Engin
beautiful & thought provoking 🙂
Normally, I don’t leave comments but this time I will make an exception. Your article moved me so much. I’m a born muslim, married and live 8000 miles away from my old parents. It is hard but I try to talk to them 3 times a week, face time, email and fb them. I also visit them twice or if I can help it 3 times a year with my daughter and husband in tow. It is getting harder to visit them as my child is in school and I have to adhere to the school holidays. Your article made me realise, no matter how hard it is, I will make it work and visit them as many times as I can, insyaallah.
Salaams David,
Thanks for this post. I showed it to Jon and he also appreciated it. Just wondering do you participate in exchanging gifts with your non Muslim family? I told Jon I would but I also told him I don’t want Christmas celebrated in my own household particularly in raising a family in the future lest the kids are confused. He is not in agreement with it since he loves the holidays as a tradition in his family, though he and his siblings no longer do it religiously.
I’m trying to hold my ground but also respect his family and background, but it seems his stance continues to bother me and its created a lot of heated discussions. I’m wondering what your advice may be in this matter?
Thank you. Lila
Peace brother, thanks for your insight. I had a friend who told me something which goes along with your message. He told me that I should talk to my mom everyday because as a person who lost his mom at a very early age that is what he misses the most. And that is what I have been doing, talking to her everyday.. It is one of the great joys of the life plus it is a encouraged by our beloved Prophet (pbuh) who also lost both his parents at an early age.
Bismillahi rahmani raheem
The Prophet (saws) said, “Before the Hour comes, there will be a tribulation like patches of dark night. A man will get up a believer and go to sleep a kafir, or will go to sleep a believer and get up a kafir. The one who sits will be better than one who stands, and one who walks will be better than one who runs. Break your bows, cut their strings, and strike your swords against stones. If someone comes to kill any of you, then be like the better of the two sons of Adam (Abel and Kain, one killing the other out of Jealousy)”. (Abu Dawud)
The following hadith explains what is meant by the one who sits is better than the one who stands,, Abu Huraira said that ―”The destruction of the Arabs is close due to an evil that is very near. Only those will succeed who will stop their hands (from fighting).”(Ahmad)
That trial is what we are living now and it is better to stay at home.
Taken from: The Syrian Uprising and Signs of the Hour.
http://sunnahmuakada.com/2013/11/04/shaykh-muhammad-al-yaqoubi-on-the-syrian-uprising/#more-5209
Im about to update that work in the next day or so, with many more Ahadith and they explain exactly what you felt in your heart was the right path to take, the call to Jihad isn’t a blanket statement it’s Laws and requirements are situational and time Dependant. Allah guides the hearts of the believers.
I also have had a very similar experience, this very deep water, soul searching vital questioning, in the middle of the night, bare and alone; and I also came to the same conclusions, through reading, consulting and above all hearing what is coming to my heart from the one who started my heart to beat. I congratulate you and your parents, you have practiced the best of the guidance, the best of the sunnah and not become energized by the political rhetoric that inflames, divides and destroys all in its path. Peace and blessings to you and your parents. Stay strong in this conviction, fore it shall be long and steep. My journey began in 1974 and it has been as you have stated, the future may hold four or five more decades of the same.
Thank you for articulating this. I can relate.
you’ll do me any day!
Dear, assalamoalekum
I am not a scholar, or very well informed, religiously. But ,I am sure path taken by you is the best, during present problems dividing , and deviating the Ummah,stick to it , Allah SWT, will give you strength . Courage and blessings,
A Brown graduate that lives in Manhattan and vacations in Florida is anything but mundane
mashallah i dropped on word press the titlecaughtmy eye do i began reading this tale of what my own heart felt.I get to the end and say Oh I know this brother.subhanaallah. Thanks for your words…