A Mercy Case

Dear God

It is Sunday night here in Oakland

I know that You already know that

but I just want to set the scene

I am here because of a thousands of decisions I have made in the past

and a few in the present

but most of all because of Covid-19

Because if there was not a global pandemic

There are a variety of possible places I could be

Let me start with Mashhad

I feel that You are calling me to make ziyāra to Mashhad

and I was taking the steps to go there

but the pandemic took that option off the table

c’est la vie

one might say

but I prefer

qaddar Allāha wa mā shā’a fa‘al (God decrees and does what God wills)

I mean

let’s be real

if anyone is responsible for Covid-19

it is You

I don’t say that to challenge You

-in fact, please keep me and my family healthy!-

but this is a really really palpable experience of Your Decree

Like hundreds of millions of us, if not billions of us

had summer plans

and now we are just hanging out at home

-thank You for our home!-

plans over. full stop.

so this prayer is for the week ahead

my wife will do her remote work during the days

and our son and I will hang out together

-there are no summer camps! I tried!-

and so I ask You to bless us in it

I don’t really know what that blessing looks like

rather, it is just that I know what the three of us are going to be doing

and so please bless us in the doing of that

make it as positive as possible for all of us

for You are the Source of All Benefit (al-Nāfi‛)

and please forgive me if You don’t like it

when I speak to You through my fingertips

it’s just hard for me to figure out what to say

when my hands are raised

and instead I just say the same Arabic prayers

that I am used to praying all the time

not that there is anything wrong with that

-in fact, they express what I want to say so succinctly and deeply!-

but tonight I want to use my own words

and it is easier to articulate myself to You in writing

and so here I am, in our house

looking ahead at days and nights that unfold pretty much the same

as the last few weeks

but let me say this

You know I have wanted to fight for You

You know that I have struggled to be on the side of Your friends

and far from the company of Your enemies

to be from the people of Earth who end up in al-Jannah

and not from the people of Earth who end up in al-Nār

and when I first started on this path

I didn’t think weeks like this coming week

or last week

were going to be part of it

I had been thinking more battles would be involved

more sitting on the floor

learning from dudes with beards and turbans

that’s more my speed

but at least for the coming weeks

I am here

now

and it is in the here and the now that I have to submit to You

the Islam of making lunch, practicing reading, and Nerf battles

so from this state of utter ineffectuality

in the world of power and struggle

I ask that You

the Possessor of Sovereignty (Mālik al-Mulk)

before whom the armies of the world can be vanquished with one shout

consider me as one of Your soldiers

that even though my outward is engaged

with the rights of my family

accept my inward intention

to be in the frontline of struggle in Your way

and let my utter lack of power give way

to an ever-increasing awareness of Your Power

for “Power belongs entirely to Allah”

and I am nothing but a vessel

for Your will

and this week that means being a Dad