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Archive for December, 2020

in my parents’ house on christmas

Posted in Family, Spiritual Stations, The Struggle on December 25, 2020| 2 Comments »

After all the studies of fiqh manuals and pilgrimages overseas.

After all the tazkiya al-nafs and reading of commentaries on ‘aqida texts.

After all the discussions about schools of thought and attempts to understand 1400 years of Islamic history.

After all the work building out masjids and schools and third spaces.

I am writing this from the same kitchen table where I sat eating ham as a 17 year old kid who just wanted to skateboard with my friends and go out with my girlfriend.

What was it all for?

The only compelling answer is that I have changed on the inside.

The body that sat here at age 17 wasn’t sure if God was real and was definitely not convinced of the resurrection.

But the 40+ year old man knows that whatever I am is nothing but what God has blessed me to utilize for a short time, and that just as I once came from nothing into this world, so too can God give me life again in whatever place God chooses.

My heart sends salawat and salam upon the Best of Creation and his purified progeny, the leaders of humanity, through whom I understand who God is and how best to serve God in my little way.

I understand my religion in both its historical development and its contemporary relevance, and live it each day and am willing to teach it to others.

My fingers hope to please God by writing this message, as a reminder that if I can find Islam, then any 17-year old American kid who is thinking about nothing but the dunya right now can also find the answers to the meaning of life within the Islamic tradition.

I have no idea how many years I have left on this Earth, but I am thankful for the life I have lived and the future laid out in front of me.

Human beings plan and Allah plans and Allah is the best of planners.

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The Greater Islam

Posted in Layla, Spiritual Stations on December 2, 2020| 3 Comments »

I need to let go.

I need to say to myself, “You have taken into consideration the myriad issues at play in the interpretation of the religious history of humanity, and you have done your spiritual due diligence (muḥāsaba) in regards to your own obligations to God and humanity vis-a-vis the Islamic tradition.”

And then just rely on God.

That unmediated, natural sense of dependence on the Creator.

Because I don’t know how to move beyond the spiritual state that I have been in.

I sent an email to a teacher. And then followed up weeks later when I didn’t hear anything. Still nothing.

But I have to remember that the teacher has no power of his own.

God holds all the keys and created all the doors.

لَهُ مَقَالِيدُ السَّمَاوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضِ يَبْسُطُ الرِّزْقَ لِمَن يَشَاءُ وَيَقْدِرُ إِنَّهُ بِكُلِّ شَيْءٍ عَلِيم

“To Him belong the keys of the heavens and the earth: He expands the provision for whomever He wishes, and tightens it for whomever He wishes. Indeed He has knowledge of all things.” (42.12)

If I need a teacher, God will provide me one.

‘Allamah Tabataba’i states:

“Islām-i akbar consists of total submission and absolute surrender before God, that is to say, renunciation of all complaints and objections before Him, Almighty and Glorious is He. It also connotes the recognition of the fact that anything that exists, or any event that takes place, is destined by God and, therefore, good; and that which does not occur is not in one’s best interest. In short, Islām-i akbar calls for total abstinence from questioning and complaining in regard to the Almighty Lord.” (Kernel of the Kernel, pp. 45-6)

Is not today exactly as it should be?

Is not God capable of all things?

Has not God shown me favor and answered my entreaties countless times before?

And so I need to let go of any resentment, frustration, and confusion.

And just rely on God.

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