I do not think they want their names on the web, and so that is why I am writing this new prayer. I’ll keep the other one to myself. You know, and i know, that everything always comes back to this. You know, and i now know, that only You can make it so. You are Mercy itself (الرحمان الرحيم). You are Forgiveness and Love (الغفور الودود). Who can i ask but You? What can i do? If i made Hajj 20 times, would that guarantee our place in the Highest Garden (فردوس)? If I fasted every other day, would that save us from the standing before You and accounting (حساب) for our deeds? It is only You, the One, the Only, to whom i can turn. And i have nothing to give but my feeble acknowledgement of the eternal fact that You are the Most Merciful of those who show mercy (أرحم الراحمين). But You already know that. I cannot praise You with anything befitting the reality of You. And as i praise, You look with the vision that encompasses all things, including the flaws and weaknesses and doubts and sins of my inner state. I am just one of billions of souls right now on this earth, and yet You compassionately listen to me.
I am a broken and weak and dependent slave who can do nothing but turn to his Master and simply beg. Beg that you save me and those i love. Beg that You do everything that i cannot do, out of recognition that everything i can do is only an illusion – it is nothing but what You do through me. But i am to blame for all the mistakes and ugliness and imperfection. But my lowliness, ya Allah!, does not detract from Your Beauty and Majesty one iota. My selfishness does not impact Your Mercy. So i ask You, not by my own rank, but by Your own Knowledge of Your own Mercy and its unfathomable manifestations which are uncountable by Your creation, to save my families and me from all suffering (عذاب). Encompass us with and include us in “neither shall they fear nor shall they grieve (لا خوف عليهم ولا هم يحزنون).”
There is no god but You. You are the One sought by all (الصمد). There is no where to turn but You. There is no one to beseech but You. There is no refuge but in You. If i should die tonight, i want it to be that i left no stone unturned in my heart for the sake of the salvation of my families. Through them, I have reached the extent of my ability to love and sacrifice. And how little i love and sacrifice. But You, ya Allah, you can do anything, whereas i can do nothing. You can give and give and give, whereas i get tired and want to sit by myself and regroup. so i leave it all at Your doorstep, on this night, because i have no sense of what the future holds.
You, my hope.
You, because i have nothing left.