Dear God
It is Sunday night here in Oakland
I know that You already know that
but I just want to set the scene
I am here because of a thousands of decisions I have made in the past
and a few in the present
but most of all because of Covid-19
Because if there was not a global pandemic
There are a variety of possible places I could be
Let me start with Mashhad
I feel that You are calling me to make ziyāra to Mashhad
and I was taking the steps to go there
but the pandemic took that option off the table
c’est la vie
one might say
but I prefer
qaddar Allāha wa mā shā’a fa‘al (God decrees and does what God wills)
I mean
let’s be real
if anyone is responsible for Covid-19
it is You
I don’t say that to challenge You
-in fact, please keep me and my family healthy!-
but this is a really really palpable experience of Your Decree
Like hundreds of millions of us, if not billions of us
had summer plans
and now we are just hanging out at home
-thank You for our home!-
plans over. full stop.
so this prayer is for the week ahead
my wife will do her remote work during the days
and our son and I will hang out together
-there are no summer camps! I tried!-
and so I ask You to bless us in it
I don’t really know what that blessing looks like
rather, it is just that I know what the three of us are going to be doing
and so please bless us in the doing of that
make it as positive as possible for all of us
for You are the Source of All Benefit (al-Nāfi‛)
and please forgive me if You don’t like it
when I speak to You through my fingertips
it’s just hard for me to figure out what to say
when my hands are raised
and instead I just say the same Arabic prayers
that I am used to praying all the time
not that there is anything wrong with that
-in fact, they express what I want to say so succinctly and deeply!-
but tonight I want to use my own words
and it is easier to articulate myself to You in writing
and so here I am, in our house
looking ahead at days and nights that unfold pretty much the same
as the last few weeks
but let me say this
You know I have wanted to fight for You
You know that I have struggled to be on the side of Your friends
and far from the company of Your enemies
to be from the people of Earth who end up in al-Jannah
and not from the people of Earth who end up in al-Nār
and when I first started on this path
I didn’t think weeks like this coming week
or last week
were going to be part of it
I had been thinking more battles would be involved
more sitting on the floor
learning from dudes with beards and turbans
that’s more my speed
but at least for the coming weeks
I am here
now
and it is in the here and the now that I have to submit to You
the Islam of making lunch, practicing reading, and Nerf battles
so from this state of utter ineffectuality
in the world of power and struggle
I ask that You
the Possessor of Sovereignty (Mālik al-Mulk)
before whom the armies of the world can be vanquished with one shout
consider me as one of Your soldiers
that even though my outward is engaged
with the rights of my family
accept my inward intention
to be in the frontline of struggle in Your way
and let my utter lack of power give way
to an ever-increasing awareness of Your Power
for “Power belongs entirely to Allah”
and I am nothing but a vessel
for Your will
and this week that means being a Dad
A Mercy Case 